Comments on: Cave Creek Jail

Cave Creek Jail

pazazygeek — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:00:44 -0800

A new song I'm working on for an EP I plan on recording this year. Roughly (super roughly!) recorded - I need some opinions!

Halp me, MeFi! Please to be telling me your thoughts on this song? I'm having a "disagreement" with my producer about it. So I've been posting crudely recorded songs I've been working on - I'm working with a producer and writing, and we'll be putting together a high-production-value EP, hopefully this summer. This is a song I've been working on with said producer, and this is a very rough, one-take recording. The plan is to put all sorts of instrumentation into the song, organs, keyboard solos, pedal steel, the works. I'm tempted to make all sorts of apologies upfront for things I want to change, and to tell you all about my view vs. his view, but instead, I want to not taint your response. What are your thoughts? What would you change, if anything?

By: Karlos the Jackal

Karlos the Jackal — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 03:02:29 -0800

I am typing as I listen.

Yeah, I think a pedal steel would be great. Or...a singing saw? Mmmmm.

I can imagine a harmonica in there, too -- but I like it when songs about jail have a mournful harmonica in them.

If it was me, I'd make sure that the beginning of the chorus was more clearly "this is the chorus."

Is the plan for a lot of the instrumentation to drop out at the 4:00 minute mark?

Oh, interesting -- I was expecting the chorus to come back again. I'm not sure how I feel about it not doing so. I was anticipating the imaginary instruments which hypothetically dropped out at 4:00 to come roaring back for a chorus and I feel a little unsatisfied.

That's a super song, though.

By: Riverine

Riverine — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 14:05:01 -0800

I think this song is strong, and I love your voice.

Your delivery is great, too, but I feel a need for more variation, vocally (instrumentally too) as the verses climb. They mostly seem the same and so I tune out.

At first I thought the line was "Nobody hears my planet wail" instead of "plaintive wail". I sort of liked that, tho it is out of context.

When I go to open mics I almost always feel people's original songs are too long. Repeat less, make sure every verse and every line count, and remember that short songs are often more affecting than long ones.

By: snsranch

snsranch — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:50:42 -0800

I love the song and your voice. Regarding production: this is kind of a sombre song. The addition of too many instruments will make it busy and detract from your flow. This song might be too intimate for a big production. I am writing like a robot. This is good stuff. Scoop us when it's done?

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:07:25 -0800

I'd actually like to hear a scratchy, plaintive violin added, and the occasional church bell.

By: snsranch

snsranch — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 20:12:38 -0800

Yep, TOTALLY agree with the scratchy, plaintive violin.