I Am Truly Fully Licensed Hairstylist

An answering machine message to help us live our dreams.

Chococat, since you had a bad day, "I Am Truly Fully Licensed Hairstylist" goes out to you. A.J. Whalen [sic?] has been known to give people some jubilation.

"Have an awesome day--buh-bye!"

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posted by Beardman (36 comments total)

Excellent. I needed something to get "I've been delayed" out of my head. This ought to do nicely.





Wait a second.

What am I going to get this one out of my head?
Tainted love (oh, oooh oh oh)
Tainted love (oh, oooh oh oh)
posted by umbú at 9:55 PM on August 14, 2008

Wow. You, truly, have passed my examination for that, sir.
Thank you.
posted by chococat at 9:59 PM on August 14, 2008

I like this song so much. So very very much.
posted by mexican at 10:22 PM on August 14, 2008

Jesus, I think I've just been hypnotized. This is mind-bending.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:54 AM on August 15, 2008

Holy crap, this is great.
posted by cortex at 9:47 AM on August 15, 2008

I'm going to keep this around for when I need cheering up.
posted by ardgedee at 11:47 AM on August 15, 2008

Oh holy christ yes.
posted by Jofus at 12:01 PM on August 15, 2008

Post "Protein Shoes," damn it! Or are you on a scheduled release -- one answering machine classic to MeFi Music each week?
posted by Damn That Television at 6:12 PM on August 15, 2008

I am a truly fully licenced hairstylist! This song speaks to me!
posted by tits mcgee at 7:12 PM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, do you know of Jim Noir? Your stuff has a bit of that sensibility to me. This song specifically reminded me in parts of this one.

Also, looking at your profile page, you live about a 30 second walk from me. Freaky.
posted by chococat at 10:44 PM on August 15, 2008

I actually started crying listening to this. Don't know why. Her excitement just got to me.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:25 AM on August 16, 2008 [6 favorites]

Just when Azha and Marta thought it was safe to use the interweb again . . . I'm seconding Damn That Television's request for "Protein Shoes."
posted by Felicity Rilke at 8:31 AM on August 16, 2008

I really appreciate the way you find the accidental melodies in the way people's voices.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:33 AM on August 16, 2008

Thanks so much. So very, very much.

P.S.

Tits McGee: you should start playing this for new hairstylists.

Astro: it is a touching message.

Felicity and David Byrne: Protein Shoes is up, by request.

Chococat: according to the map on your profile page, you live in the cookware section of Honest Ed's. Is that true?
posted by Beardman at 11:08 AM on August 16, 2008

according to the map on your profile page, you live in the cookware section of Honest Ed's. Is that true?

Heh. If only it were true, I'd be first in line to get that free turkey every year.
I used to have it pointing right to my house but I got weirdly paranoid about it and changed it to the nearest local landmark. I'm actually a few streets away from you.
posted by chococat at 5:48 PM on August 16, 2008

I can't favorite this hard enough.
posted by schyler523 at 12:00 AM on August 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Wow, I remember hearing this like 4 years ago and loving it. You're the guy that made it? Wasn't it released as "TAS1000" or something like that, and there was a website featuring it and possibly some other tracks?
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:09 AM on August 17, 2008

I have to go throw confetti off a rollercoaster now. Have an awesome day, buh-bye.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:00 PM on August 17, 2008

OH. MY. GOD. It's Tas 1000!!

What ever happened to them anyway? I looked years ago and they'd dropped off the face of the planet, and I'd forgotten all about them until today.

Their 'remix' song about a dehumidifier was my favorite ever. They mixed words around to make it sound like one lady was saying, "Give me your dehumidifier!" That was several hard drives ago, though, so it's all gone. :'(
posted by fogster at 7:34 PM on August 17, 2008

loved the guitar solo.
posted by mexican at 2:55 AM on August 18, 2008

Again, I must say I'm astonished that anybody else has heard this. Yes, DecemberBoy, I was one of the four members. Fogster: as to what happened to us...being in a joke band takes its toll. Which isn't to say we didn't start another one as soon as we disbanded this one.

"Dehumidifer"...wow. I forgot all about that song. It was kind of a hard rock riff, and it pitted two callers against each other--they'd both seen Marta's classified ad for a dehumidifer in the Penny Saver, and they wanted it bad. We decided it was cheating to mix words around in Pro Tools, though.

If you listen closely at the start of that guitar solo, Sweet Child O' Mine makes a quick appearance.
posted by Beardman at 6:28 AM on August 18, 2008

This is all demonstrating my theory that if you put something up on the Web, there's a very good chance it is reaching a larger audience than you anticipated.

I have a terrible feeling that a decade from now, on some new discussion board, all of a sudden a lot of people are going to be, like, holy shit, you wrote "They Never Found Her Head," didn't you?
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:23 AM on August 18, 2008

We decided it was cheating to mix words around in Pro Tools, though.

Cheating, maybe. Hilarious? Definitely.

Do you still have all the recordings around? It seems that archive.org only got a couple from the site.
posted by fogster at 9:33 AM on August 18, 2008

This is all demonstrating my theory that if you put something up on the Web, there's a very good chance it is reaching a larger audience than you anticipated.

It was actually kind of a low-end meme briefly around 4 years ago, at least on a few forums I frequented. People would even quote it and work in "I am truly fully licensed hairstylist!" in posts and such.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:56 AM on August 18, 2008

Oh man--if I ever get around to writing our unauthorized biography, that's got to be the ungainly, but apparently apt, title.

"Kind of a Low-End Meme Briefly Around 4 Years Ago: The TAS 1000 Story".
posted by Beardman at 10:49 AM on August 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

Is this the album? [imeem.com]
posted by ardgedee at 1:26 PM on August 18, 2008

God-fucking-dammit, this is really amazing. It almost made me cry as well. Wow.
posted by ORthey at 5:28 PM on August 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

Ardgedee, one of the astounding anecdotes in the forthcoming book "Low-End Meme" concerns our almost-brush with the Disney corporation. The father of one of our quasi-band's members started a website that became Club Penguin. In a pre-Disney incarnation, there was a little igloo where the penguin avatars of various pre-teens could dance around to an all-penguin house band. This band's repertoire was more limited than most: one verse and one chorus of "I've Been Delayed". We didn't give it a second thought--they needed a song and that was it.

Since discovering from you good MeFites that TAS 1000 was not just a Vancouver/Victoria phenomenon, I ran some Google searches and came up with some disturbing residue of that early presence on Club Penguin. There are now kids from around the world who remember "I've Been Delayed" as part of the good ol' days...like the way the Fresh Prince theme song makes me feel.

And then there are mysteries like this...try reading #5 out loud.
posted by Beardman at 7:40 PM on August 18, 2008

Metafilter Music: Some disturbing residue.
posted by Jofus at 7:24 AM on August 19, 2008

I'm in two minds about this song. On one hand, I like the song, and I really like the music, but the line "I have passed my examination" starts to get really annoying after a little while.

So I ask, is there some back story to this track that I'm not aware of? Because it feels as though there is, and that this would help me possibly appreciate the song more.

I also think that this would make a great 'secret track' at the end of some Metafilter Music compilation CD. Just sayin'...
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:11 PM on August 21, 2008

The back story is really just the premise, which can be gleaned, e.g., here and here.

I don't know any more about the particular message than what it says.

But I'm with you 100%...it gets annoying! In a way, that was part of the point. I guess the one thing I'd add is that if you really like the music, keep in mind that it was dictated by the way this person 'sang' her message, from the key to the tempo to the 6/8 time signature in most of the song.
posted by Beardman at 8:11 PM on August 21, 2008

smiling all day because of this one -- thanks :)
posted by February28 at 6:12 PM on September 10, 2008

You know, two years later, this still makes me cry. I hope AJ's experiences after this phone call were everything she hoped them to be.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:38 PM on December 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

I hope so too.
posted by Beardman at 3:19 AM on December 20, 2010

I'm going to show up every two years, with a completely different name, to mention how much this song moves me.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 9:11 PM on May 4, 2012 [4 favorites]

And I will keep favoriting you.
posted by grog at 8:36 AM on November 15, 2012