Clockwatching

November challenge entry. 60bpm, naturally. I offer no apologies for the darkness of this one. I hope the ticking isn't cheating re the vocals-only criterion. Lyric contains some strong language.

I wrote this lyric three or four weeks ago and intended it to be my next effort. I only had an idea for a melody for the chorus. Poked a stick around in it a bit today and thought that the result was reasonably interesting. I shall do a different version - with a more developed melody/structure - as a full "band" thing in due course. Actually, I probably won't because I'll be gadflying onto something else by then...thinks "i might do better to write fewer songs of higher quality....new year's resolution emerging there"

Clockwatching
7.32 rising to meet you
in the stale breath space
where your bedroom face
is whiter than the toothpaste
taste and your dressing gown
smells of failure

8.29 cars sliding out of drives
like shiny crocodiles
into the mire
where the news on the wires
echoes the blues in your head
and your eyes on the l.e.d.

watching the clock
watching the clock
lives go by
while each hour dies
watching the clock
watching the clock

10.15 meeting the queen
ballbreaking boss bitch bastard
tits like ice-cream cones
listerine, cologne
her departed reek lingers.
Spiderfingers.

12.35 dive into the hive (am I alive?)
fighting through the crowd in Greggs
coffee cold bacon and dregs
of humanity
you’re one of them
a drone

watching the clock
watching the clock
lives go by
while each hour dies
watching the clock
watching the clock

20 past 2 nothing to do
nothing that matters
nothing for you
in your office across the way
where it always seems like play
not work or dirt or even freedom
just a different kind of reason

4.18 is in between
somewhere and nowhere
being here and elsewhere
can’t start nothing
won’t finish nothing
so you’re

watching the clock
watching the clock
lives go by
while each hour dies
watching the clock
watching the clock

• play
• pause
• min volume
• max volume

posted by MajorDundee (4 comments total)

Yes, YES!

It's funny how in another thread you wonder about just how basic can you make it. Well you've just answered that. Man, this is brilliant. I was just making a note too, in another thread, about how I appreciate being hit viscerally or emotionally, and this does just that on both counts. I'm very much pulled into this. Great effing show man!
posted by snsranch at 4:20 PM on November 14, 2010

Well done!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:36 AM on November 15, 2010

Well. I'm completely baffled now. The recording of this took about an hour to an hour and a half. It's a complete reversal of my normal working practice where I will put all effort into the melodies and musical backing and sweet f.a. into the lyrics. Frankly, I think the melody on this - apart, maybe, from the hook bit - is pretty forgettable and therefore complete rubbish. If and when I get round to do a "proper job" with the lyric, I'll start from scratch musically. On the other hand, parts of the lyric are, I think, amongst the best stuff I've written although other parts are perhaps a bit overheated or overwrought.

My ungrateful grumblings aside - very many thanks to both for your kind words and encouragement. I look forward to your entries to see how it should be done.
posted by MajorDundee at 8:26 AM on November 15, 2010

This is just awesome. I love the creep of the rhythm and the delay. Great lyrics too.
posted by tunewell at 1:48 AM on November 17, 2010