When Turkeys Vote For Christmas

I've written a bitterly humorous Christmas lyric (see inside) and thought it might be interesting to see what others did with it. This is not an official challenge btw - it's just an off-the-cuff bit of fun. Feel free to add or delete verses etc. Musically I'm very much hearing a rockabilly two-step along the lines of Dylan's Dirt Road Blues. I guess I'd only stipulate two things (a) that the four key lines of the chorus are retained and (b) that you don't upload until we can see the landing strip lights for Christmas.

When Turkeys Vote For Christmas

There’s a space in my heart that’s made for you
I guess that much is true
It’s a similar space to the hole in my shoe
That lets the water through
I’ve changed my neighbourhood, I’ve changed my bar
I’ve changed my attitude, I’ve changed my car
I’m one step ahead of you babe, wherever you are

(chorus)
When the sun shines at midnight
And there’s moonlight at noon
When I make a million dollars from this little tune
When the Pope takes a mistress
And it snows in Timbuktu
When turkeys vote for Christmas
I’ll come back to you.

Your lawyer wrote me the other day
He says I got ten days to pay
It’s a total contradiction to hear you say
You want me back somehow, some way
We got alimony acrimony, childcare chills,
We got palimony parsimony, looks that kill
The bigger the bill babe, the bitter the pill

(chorus)
When hell freezes over
The black cliffs of Dover
And I grow a meadow of four-leaf clover
When the Pope takes a mistress
And it snows in Timbuktu
When turkeys vote for Christmas
I’ll come back to you.

And what about the PI you put on my tail?
Couldn’t hit the spot if he was pissing in a pail
He didn’t make me feel much fear and terror
Couldn’t find his ass with a two-way mirror
I got an overdraft raft that’s sinking fast
You been screwing me down from first to last
We’re like history babe, we’re all in the past

(chorus)
When I’ve climbed every mountain
Drunk whiskey from a fountain
And shed a tear or two for your existential pain
When the Pope takes a mistress
And it snows in Timbuktu
When turkeys vote for Christmas
I’ll come back to you.

I paid for your facelift, I paid for your tits
I paid for the ass tuck that gave you zits
So much of you now is made of metal
You’re looking like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle
Hey I’m not bitter, just on my guard
You’ve really worn my credit hard
Merry Christmas babe, here’s my greetings card.

(chorus)
So I’ll drink to you babe
And all the pain that you gave
I’m waiting for the day when I put flowers on your grave
When the Pope takes a mistress
And it snows in Timbuktu
When turkeys vote for Christmas
I’ll come back to you.

© david main 2011

posted by MajorDundee (2 comments total)

.....I'll get my coat...
posted by MajorDundee at 12:50 PM on November 2, 2011

It *cough* sounds a little personal to hand off to someone else...
posted by unSane at 1:07 PM on November 2, 2011