Choke a Moff (Taylor Swift parody)

November 6, 2014 4:20 PM

I apologize to basically everyone.

They announced the title of Episode VII today, and announcements lead to tweeting, and tweeting leads to joking, and joking leads to bullshitting with The Whelk, and that leads to the dark side, etc.

This makes a sort of companion piece to I Knew You Were Tribbles When You Dropped In, though I'm as surprised as anybody that "Taylor Swift parodies based on major sci-fi franchises" is somehow my Thing now.

posted by cortex (26 comments total) 52 users marked this as a favorite

Lyrics:

I alter way too many deals
I ignore my son's appeals
At least that's what people say
Yeah that's what people say

My breathing's way too loud
My favorite city's in a cloud
That's what people say
Yeah that's what people say


But I'm still Darth Vader
Still got my light saber
It's like I've got this panel
bolted to my chest
saying it's gonna be alright


Cuz Sarlaccs are gonna lac lac lac lac lac
Sandpeople gonna track track track track track
I'm just gonna crack crack crack crack crack
The base on Hoff, the base on Hoff

Han Solos gonna joke joke joke joke
Kenobi's just a cloak cloak cloak cloak clock
I'm just gonna choke choke choke choke choke
Choke a Moff


Shoot lightning from my hands
Hate Tatooine's sands
But that's what they don't see
That's what they don't see

Feel the dark side of the Force
Feel the anger in me course
But that's what they don't know
Yeah that's what they don't know

But I'm still the dark lord
Still got my sweet light sword
It's like I got this panel
bolted to my chest
saying it's gonna be alright


R2D2's gonna zap zap zap zaz zap
Admiral Akbar’s gonna ack ack ack ack ack
But I'm just gonna trap trap trap trap trap
The rebel fleet, the rebel fleet

Skywalker's gonna walk walk walk walk walk
Backward Yoda's gonna talk talk talk talk talk
But I'm just gonna choke choke choke choke choke
Choke a Moff

Choke a Moff
Choke a Moff

Hey hey hey
Just think, while you've been getting down and out
About the rebels and the dirty dirty wookiees in the galaxy
You could've been getting down to
This.
Sith.
Beat.

Obi-Wan brought his new padawan
He's like "use the Force, Luke” but I'm just gonna choke 'em
With the Jedi over there with the hella evil stare
I'm like what's thy bidding, master? We can choke, choke, choke.

Podracers gonna race race race race race
Mace Windu's gonna mace mace mace mace mace
But lava melts my face face face face face
Melts it off, melts it off

Han Solos gonna joke joke joke joke
Kenobi's just a cloak cloak cloak cloak clock
I'm just gonna choke choke choke choke choke
Choke a Moff

posted by cortex at 4:21 PM on November 6, 2014 [7 favorites]


Yes. Yes. Let the Swift flow through you.
posted by The Whelk at 4:34 PM on November 6, 2014 [14 favorites]


This is great!
posted by brundlefly at 5:37 PM on November 6, 2014


My kids started dancing to this when I played it.
posted by iamabot at 5:39 PM on November 6, 2014


This is incredible.
posted by Lutoslawski at 5:41 PM on November 6, 2014


OMG the autotune after the bridge.

Yes.
posted by Lutoslawski at 5:45 PM on November 6, 2014 [5 favorites]


Heh. Yeah, there was a little bit of a...conversation about autotune over on the blue the other day and I was like, yes, okay, let's do this.
posted by cortex at 5:46 PM on November 6, 2014 [2 favorites]


I love this, but I must point out that the base is on Hoth, not Hoff. Hoff is the Nightrider dude. I can't believe I'm the first nerd to point that out.

But seriously, this is pretty great.
posted by bondcliff at 8:09 AM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh my god, that Hoff line had been bugging me all day but for some reason I just wrote it off as some little bit of crossed-wire creative anxiety. Glad I stuck with "choke a Moff" for the title.
posted by cortex at 8:28 AM on November 7, 2014


though I'm as surprised as anybody that "Taylor Swift parodies based on major sci-fi franchises" is somehow my Thing now.

I picture you wearing an expression similar to that of a parlor magician pulling yet another colorful handkerchief out of his sleeve as you type this. "Now what sort of crazy...oh...where...what in the world?" Meanwhile you're already mentally stockpiling lines for the Dune one.
posted by contraption at 11:04 PM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]


Amazing! My favorite line is "Kenobi's just a cloak cloak cloak cloak cloak."
posted by Corduroy at 1:34 PM on November 8, 2014 [2 favorites]


You won my heart with "Sarlaccs gonna lac." This is so great.
posted by cmyk at 6:10 PM on November 8, 2014


This totally made my day. Thanks for that.
posted by TheNegativeInfluence at 10:36 PM on November 8, 2014


I've been in England for too long, "base on Hoff" sounded totally fine to me. bruv.

The rap was delightful.
posted by Gordafarin at 1:59 AM on November 9, 2014


YES
posted by greenish at 8:50 AM on November 10, 2014


The best.
posted by aesop at 10:58 PM on November 13, 2014


Your parody is pretty good but I really just needed a place to link to this animation clip sorry but I was going to explode if I didn't share it somewhere.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:32 PM on November 15, 2014 [2 favorites]


Taylor, Imma let you finish, but cortex did the best parody of all time. Of all time!
posted by billiebee at 1:17 PM on November 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh god, thank you for this. I can't stop giggling at "Admiral Akbar's gonna ack ack ack ack ack."
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 6:57 AM on November 21, 2014


It's the rare Star Wars/Cathy/Billy Joel pop culture reference trifecta, I couldn't not.
posted by cortex at 9:55 AM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


You are KILLING it in the nerdy I-don't-like-Taylor-Swift-but-I-am-aware-of-her-work-but-I-love-nerdy-stuff demographic.

Seriously, jeoc, jr. is planning her next talent show around your work.
posted by jeoc at 8:52 PM on November 29, 2014


Love it. So much.
posted by odinsdream at 9:03 AM on December 3, 2014


Seriously, jeoc, jr. is planning her next talent show around your work.

Ha! I demand video.
posted by cortex at 9:48 AM on December 3, 2014


After I sent her this link, I learned that she knows all the words to "I Knew You Were Tribbles (When You Dropped In)".


You may get a C&D letter from me.
posted by jeoc at 7:15 PM on December 8, 2014


Wait. What happens if this is the best thing that comes out of 2014? I can't stop listening to this.
posted by elmer benson at 11:41 PM on December 28, 2014


Cortex, this is your second T-Swizzle parody, and I like them both. Keep em coming !
posted by Pendragon at 3:07 PM on January 19, 2015


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