Ed Steamhams - Cooking Out Loud

September 8, 2018 8:57 AM

Oh ye gods, Ed's song is ruined! But...what if I were to write parody lyrics and disguise them as his own songwriting? Oh ho ho ho, delightfully devilish, cortex!


When you've made it despite my directions
And you're standing out there on my street
When you want unforgettable luncheons
Well come in and sit down and we'll eat

But oh ye gods, my
roast is ruined, it'll never be delish
But what if I disguise
Fast food as my own, oh it's devilish
Then you walk in and--

People exercise in mysterious ways
Maybe with a window sill
Isometrics stretch my calves every single day
While clams are steaming just like clams will

So honey now
Let your mouth water for these hamburgs
No you've misundertood all my luncheon words
What I said was we're having steamed hams
Old family dish
Steamed hams we say regionally
Not Utica, Albany

[sonorous, flowing musical interpretation of the Skinner & The Superintendent theme]

Yes in there are the northern lights
In this place, on this day, it's not even night
And it's making my kitchen bright
And you mustn't look
I'm pooped, that was wonderful
A good time was had by all
I'm an odd steamed hams fellow

posted by cortex (6 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

This is quite the production!
posted by Going To Maine at 8:27 PM on September 8, 2018

"Seymour, the track is on fire!"
posted by Sibrax at 10:36 AM on September 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

No, Mother, it’s just Ed Sheeran’s eyes.
posted by cortex at 1:58 PM on September 9, 2018

Great fun! This is great fun! Listened to this on my train ride into work, and I was all: “oh yeah! That happened too! And oh ... oh yeah that bit! I remember that bit! Ha ha!” (And so on ...). Great stuff Mr. cortex, that was (is!) huge fun! And musically lovely.

On a more general note: It’s really beautiful to hear you metafilterians sing (not just cortex!). Thank you all for singing at me!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 11:51 AM on September 11, 2018

So good!
posted by Secretariat at 12:19 PM on September 11, 2018

This is perfect, thank you.
posted by compartment at 3:50 PM on September 12, 2018

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