New Jersey Girls

This is a nearly-completed song I wrote for a couple of friends who are about to move to northern New Jersey (I'm originally from there) but my wife and I will miss them once they leave. As a going-away present, I wrote and recorded this. They don't know about it yet. It's meant to be a driving-down-the-highway-top-down-car-full-of-girls-all-singing-the-catchy-rock-chorus sort of power pop song. Throw me some feedback.

(Get Flash to see the track player.)
posted by grubi (4 comments total)

NEW JERSEY GIRLS
(C Gruber)

The take your memory and make you think twice
Because that kind can be cruel but sometimes nice
They come to your door and bring you the things you need
Just be careful, that's the way they feed
The way they feed

New Jersey girls, they're riding around
They pick you up when you fall down
Without guilt, they'll rule your world
'Cause they're New Jersey girls, New Jersey girls

With silver tongues and beauty everyone can see
Perfect flaws will make for perfect memories
They're in your life, making sure that you get by
Leave them alone and forever it's goodbye
It's goodbye


© 2007 Non Compos Music
posted by grubi at 4:27 PM on April 23, 2007

"Rawk!" I believe is what the youngsters say. It has a catchy rock chorus, you weren't lying. It also has a nice and clever arrangement and good transitions. Mix-wise, it could use some tweaking, but maybe that's not the kind of feedback you want. At any rate, I think it's going to be a huge success as a going-away present -- thanks for providing that backstory. It's always interesting to read about how songs came to be.
posted by edlundart at 10:46 PM on April 23, 2007

Bass guitar needs to be way more prominent in the mix. Compress it too. Split channel drums don't work for me on this track... the kick should be in both channels. During the breakdown (where the percussion drops out) I'd go for a lot of reverb on the vocals, and maybe a bit through the track. The shaker is awkwardly forward in the mix.
posted by phrontist at 3:14 PM on April 27, 2007

Great tune.

I second everything phrontist said, along with three other things.

1. I would "thin" the vocals the entire way through by trimming some of the lower frequencies. The whole mix sounds very thin and tinny (see bass comment above) so the vocals need to be shaped to fit, IMO.

2. At the break, the stark drop of the instruments is jarring, sounding premature, and almost like a mistake.

3. Drop the arpeggios at the end.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:22 PM on April 29, 2007