Hallelujah! (So Very NSFW Mix)

When fussbudgetry and wankery collide...sexily.

This is response to those who seem to think that Hallelujah is a religious song, holy and sad. I honestly know of church choirs that perform it. For their sake alone (not for any personal enjoyment whatsoever), I’ve reinterpreted the lyrics.

Okay, it was a lot of fun and a lot of work to put this together...

Our dear Pheatherwäit was not with us due to extenuating circumstances, so Tréteque (man vs sun) and I came together for the first meeting of our side project, Pasty Anglophiles. I also feel the need to reiterate at this point that this is very very NSFW.

Instrumentation:
Tréteque (man vs sun): Nintendo Gameboy Sequencing, Gulbransen Pacemaker Electric Organ Chord-O-Matic, Alto Saxophones, Choir Vocals
Timbill (me): Lyricist, Lead Vocals, Choir Vocals, Production/Engineering

• play
• pause
• min volume
• max volume

posted by askmeaboutLOOM (4 comments total)

lyrics:

Now I hear there was a trick to sex,
Though I could never please my ex
But you don’t really care for foreplay, do ya?
Oh well, it goes like this: a tease, a suck,
You draw it out before you fuck,
And hopefully, elicit “Hallelujah”

As a teenage boy, you tried, you yearned—
Try as you might, you never learned:
When wanking softly, never call out “booyah”
Your parents, worried, broke your locks;
You watched them burn your favourite socks;
They hoped you cured, but cried no Hallelujah

Your technique strong, you needed proof,
That you could be a bit more aloof—
But first you needed someone who would do ya
She sat you down on a kitchen chair,
You blew your wad right in her hair
As you fell limp, a complacent “Hallelujah”

When you were a younger sight
You bragged of pussy, left and right,
And how about that girl who you claimed screwed ya?
But all she saw was balk and bunt,
You never made it to her cunt
And as she rolled her eyes, she spake the HALLELUJAH

And now we see you, so forlorn,
Spent so long watching Internet porn
That you don’t recall the smell of flesh, now do you?
You hear the moans when no one’s there,
You have to resort to a noose and chair,
As you strangle and cum, a lonely “Hallelujah”

You say I make unseemly claims
Hell, I don’t even know your name,
But even if I did, I see right through you.
There’s fear in your eyes on every word,
It doesn’t matter how absurd:
You’re unholy, and you’re broken—Hallelujah!

Now some have seen things, were not there:
Thought me bald when I still had hair
Don’t think my lyrics holy now; well, do ya?
While this here emperor wears new shoes,
You see burnt siennas instead of blues,
You’re doing it wrong, you fuckers! Hallelujah!
posted by askmeaboutLOOM at 10:44 PM on June 19, 2009

My, you certainly work blue. Nicely put together; I commend your production here -- especially those pulsating choir vocals -- and those saxes are great.

I like the church organ and rhythm box, too. They really emphasize the religious undertones!
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 2:00 AM on June 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

Thanks, Karlos! As I said previously, the lyrics were written that night when you called me a fussbudget. You're wholly to blame for this one! okay, I would've done it anyway

In case anyone is interested, here is the uncut wankery of the choral recordings. We had a bit too much fun recording this thing.
posted by askmeaboutLOOM at 8:49 AM on June 20, 2009

Whoa. The thing about this is that your voice is so upstanding, considering the material.
posted by umbú at 8:02 PM on June 22, 2009