Kick is a Brick

July 29, 2008 11:09 PM

Work in progress: a departure from my typical songwriting, in that there's nothing funny about it. At least, I hope not. Short and cheap scratch recording, feedback on the song appreciated.

posted by davejay (12 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Recorded this a few minutes ago, after getting frustrated with another song, so decided to work on this one a bit instead.
posted by davejay at 11:13 PM on July 29, 2008

Lovely melody. "Every kick is a brick coming down" is a very evocative line.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:38 PM on July 29, 2008

Yeah, this is really nice.

I'd like to hear a cello, personally.

And some percussion -- like sandpaper blocks or claves or a triangle -- it makes me somehow think of old Motown songs, like old Leiber & Stoller tunes.

Good stuff.
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 12:22 AM on July 30, 2008

See, I hear this as huge power pop. Think Superdrag. Then again, I'm almost always thinking power pop. I like it. I'll admit, I didn't really listen to the lyrics (I rarely do), but I really like the melody and definitely agree that the chord progression sounds sort of old-timey Motown. I have a real soft spot for that major-minor juxtaposition. This is nice.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:10 AM on July 30, 2008

Yeah, this is a really well constructed melody, and I always fall for (and maybe overuse myself) the major-to-minor-using-the-minor-subdominant-chord-instead-of-the-dominant thing. This is just a matter of taste, of course, but if I were to write a melody that pretty, I'd probably make it loud like uncleozzy said so that the electric guitars tempered its sweetness.

I liked how you changed the "every kick" line the second time around, but honestly, after listening only once, I ended up not knowing what the song was about, beyond a vague sense that the singer was bitter (break up probably? losing a friend? but I'm not sure).
posted by umbĂș at 8:01 AM on July 30, 2008

Thanks for the feedback so far, and I'll absolutely try a powerpop take on it, why not? Regarding this:

I ended up not knowing what the song was about, beyond a vague sense that the singer was bitter (break up probably? losing a friend? but I'm not sure).

Thanks for that; I usually hit the nail on the head lyrically, so for me this is a sign of good things! Nevertheless, as I complete the lyrics I'll bring things around a bit so it makes more sense (hopefully not too much sense.)
posted by davejay at 10:54 AM on July 30, 2008

Good melody. I like how you push your voice to get a little bit "grainy" here and there, and I like the sudden stops in the ukulele (?) playing. I think people can imagine many ways of recording this song because it's just kind of a good, "classic" melody. Personally I hear a slowed-down Wilco-inspired piano ballad in the style of the first part of "At Least That's What You Said" off "A Ghost is Born."
posted by edlundart at 2:53 PM on July 30, 2008

I could be wrong about this, but it sounds like your frustration over the song you were previously recording lent some muscle to your vocals on this one. This is good!
posted by snsranch at 5:17 PM on July 30, 2008

At around 1:00 your singing gets a bit raspy and loose and sounds great. I really like the minor chord change under the word "kick" in the chorus. organ or electric piano would really color this song nicely. I'd like to hear what it sounds like if you come in with the strumming a bar earlier than you do on the recording -- I like the effect of the chopped chords and feel they would be more effective, more potent if the (chopped chord) intro were shorter.
posted by February28 at 6:52 AM on July 31, 2008

I'm late to the party here, so I'll just second a few things: great melody, love the vocal treatment (especially later in the song), and it'd sound great as a piano ballad (or a power-pop song, I guess, but that's not how I hear it in my head). Nice stuff!
posted by danb at 2:21 PM on July 31, 2008

Late feedback is still good feedback! Feb28, I'll give it a try tomorrow with your suggestions, I haven't been feeling it in the open and hopefully you just gave me what I needed.
posted by davejay at 11:43 PM on August 2, 2008

I like this a lot - I really like your voice, and it's a great melody. Personally I would like the finished version to be pretty close to what it is now - stripped down and understated, and maybe with one or two other instruments coming in underneath, like an organ/electric piano/melodica/something along those lines - but it's a lovely song as it is.
posted by Ira_ at 4:22 AM on August 6, 2008

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