The Legend of Devin Funck

August 23, 2008 5:25 PM

A spoken word piece inspired by ColdChef's post about a Slidell boy who lost his arm battling a monstrous alligator.


I ain't never known of a lad of such spunk
As the alligator fighter, young Devin Funck
Who battled a beast way down in Slidell
And Devin lost his arm, but Devin lived to tell
That in the water of Crystal Lake, lurking below
Was a half ton monster by the name of Big Joe.
He was a 12-foot lizard from his teeth to his tail
And he was spoken of in whispers down in Slidell.
But Devin had no fear and Devin he did go
Into Crystal Lake, and he faced down Big Joe.
Then the alligator lunged and the alligator bit
Into Devin's arm from his shoulder to his mitt
And he pulled at the boy and he tried to pull him down
Into Crystal Lake, where Devin he would drown
But Devin he was scrappy and Devin knew to fight
And he struck at Big Joe as Big Joe took a bite:
Devin struck him in the eye and the beast he did go
But took the boy's arm as he swam down below.
Devin called for revenge from his hospital bed
And the police told Devin that Big Joe was dead.
Devin thought a while, and then Devin said:
"It takes my arm, I take its head."
Devin looked at the stump left by the alligator
And said, "I want a robot arm like the terminator."
Lizards, if you're listening; beasts, if you can hear:
There's a killer out there that should make you slink in fear.
He's half machine and he's half Slidell punk:
He's the alligator fighter, young Devin Funck.

posted by Astro Zombie (14 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

posted by gomichild at 6:49 PM on August 23, 2008

I've got a tear in my eye, and a tear in my beer.
posted by nola at 7:23 PM on August 23, 2008

posted by fixedgear at 7:28 PM on August 23, 2008

Aw heck. That's just great.

And tempting.
posted by cortex at 7:31 PM on August 23, 2008

Oh, man, you'd make my fucking week.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:32 PM on August 23, 2008

I think I just had a religious experience. Or an orgasm. What's the difference?
posted by loquacious at 7:37 PM on August 23, 2008

My rabbi once gave me a very stern lecture about exactly that question, and then made me clean the bimah.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:44 PM on August 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

I don't even know what a bimah is but that made me spit beer all over my keyboard anyway. L'Chayim!
posted by nola at 7:51 PM on August 23, 2008

I bow down to thee. It seems that Devin has been all folks have been talking about around here lately.

Is it just me, or were you channeling W. during a few of the lines?
posted by umbĂș at 8:05 PM on August 23, 2008

Yeah. I probably should have been doing a Yat accent instead of a Texas accent. I've been singing too many country songs lately.

But then everybody who isn't from Louisiana would say "Why is he speaking in a Brooklyn accent?"
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:08 PM on August 23, 2008

Epic. Can't wait to hear the remixes!
posted by cashman at 8:38 PM on August 23, 2008

Bravo - an epic ballad extraordinaire
posted by madamjujujive at 9:22 PM on August 23, 2008

Temptation got to me.
posted by cortex at 10:02 PM on August 23, 2008

You are excellent.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:15 AM on August 24, 2008

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