Buttfuck Baby Jesus

December 2, 2008 7:38 PM

A track from my old band's 2002 Christmas EP. If you have any respect at all for me, or are offended by blasphemy or infant rape, you probably shouldn't listen to this.

We formed in 1995 and called ourselves Spaz. I played guitar, often badly. The bassist had previously played viola, which we figured also had four strings. The other two guys switched off drums and vocals, even though one of them couldn't do either competently.

The first song we wrote, with a guitar and a popcorn tin, was called "Buttfuck Satan." It is exactly what it sounds like. We re-wrote the lyrics for the Christmas EP.

I am so very, very sorry for this... but I couldn't pass up the challenge. Also for the clipping; we mixed this at 3am so we could get the CDs to people's doorsteps on Christmas morning.

"Juicy" sings; Danny makes a cameo.

posted by uncleozzy (25 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

I feel dirty by favoriting this song but it's just so damn catchy, reminds me of early Beatles. I think I may have more respect for you now.
posted by BrnP84 at 8:08 PM on December 2, 2008


"We re-wrote the lyrics for the Christmas EP."

Hey, that's really sweet! It's nice that you appreciate the spiritual meaning of this holiday season in a way that moves you to OH HOLY GOD WHAT IS THIS

Wow, this might be the most wrong song ever.

*listens again to check*
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 4:16 AM on December 3, 2008


Maybe BFBJ could have done like a PB& J. If we were ever to meet dont let it be on a day with lighting. Only because Im sure The man likes a two for one sale just as much as the other guy.
posted by american caesar at 8:13 AM on December 3, 2008


:O
posted by arcanecrowbar at 2:47 PM on December 3, 2008


Yeah just awe. Speechless awe.
posted by arcanecrowbar at 2:48 PM on December 3, 2008


This is awesome and so wrong. I just forwarded this to a friend who'll love it.
posted by hpliferaft at 3:39 PM on December 3, 2008


Every time I see this post, I think "Buttfuck Baby Jesus through the goalposts of life."

I'm going to hell.
posted by doubtfulpalace at 4:31 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


"What? It's not my god...."
posted by jessamyn at 7:42 PM on December 3, 2008


One year in high school a friend and I stole about 20 of those plastic Baby Jesus' that would go on Xmas light decorations. His room was full of those things by the end of the , and he took a dozen or so and melted them together into a 5 foot tall mass with a grill lighter then strung some lights around them. This song really should've played in sync to the blinking Xmas lights strung around the molten tower of stolen Baby Jesus.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:42 PM on December 3, 2008


(by the end of the season, that is)
posted by Burhanistan at 8:43 PM on December 3, 2008


Man, I thought I was edgy when I was in a mock Xtian rock band. Most of our songs were horribly confessional and ripe with pent up homosexuality.

"You bring the bread,
and I'll bring the wine,
and we'll have a holy tiiiiiiiiime.

I wanna make witness with you,
I wanna be one and not two."
posted by Corduroy at 9:04 PM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


reminds me of early Beatles

I think you and I might own different Beatles records.

Thanks, folks, for not being horrified. Or, I suppose, for being horrified in the right ways. We were a disaster of a band, but we had fun.
posted by uncleozzy at 4:02 AM on December 4, 2008


This song is buttfuckin' great! Sounds like it was lifted from the lost Meatmen Christmas LP.
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:12 PM on December 4, 2008


Jesus Christ!
posted by spiderskull at 9:48 PM on February 5, 2009


I don't know how I missed this. Truly great.
posted by Hoopo at 10:08 PM on February 17, 2009


Oh my goddess!! I have tears streaming down my face at work! WOW This is SOOO politically incorrect it's awesome. LMFAO
posted by Mz_Jai at 2:24 PM on October 7, 2009


*stands and slowly claps*
posted by JeffK at 11:09 AM on December 10, 2009


*also stands & claps slowly*

Thanks, cortex!
posted by Pronoiac at 2:39 PM on December 10, 2009


Awesome.
posted by equalpants at 3:15 PM on December 18, 2009


I am astounded that I am the first to say:

Christ, what an asshole!
posted by idiopath at 10:25 PM on December 18, 2009 [3 favorites]


By which I mean, of course, not "it is remarkable that uncleozzy is such a bad person", but rather "that savior guy has quite the anus, wow".
posted by idiopath at 10:33 PM on December 18, 2009 [2 favorites]


I am confident that, if Jesus were here to hear this song today, He would roll his divine eyes, sigh and try to mumble something about this song really needing a bassline and the tone being sort of a derivative imitation metal rather than true metal itself... before breaking into the inevitable grin and raising the horns in a dark salute.
posted by koeselitz at 7:32 PM on December 21, 2009


This may be the greatest contribution to Rock 'n' Roll ever laid to tape.

This is SOOO politically incorrect it's awesome.

It's not just politically incorrect. It's morally, spiritually, musically and physically incorrect also. Achieving that takes some mean effort.
posted by Jimbob at 1:14 PM on December 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


Very catchy. With a little social engineering this will be the next UK Christmas Number One
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:23 PM on December 23, 2009


I'm appalled but impressed. So wrong and so catchy.
This is going on all my Christmas playlists.
posted by we are the music makers at 12:55 PM on November 17, 2015


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