Weapons Up (Double Dragon Mixtape: The Mixtape)

A full-length extended version of the 10 second snippet that I had previously made for the game, Double Dragon Neon. I wrote the full version recently after my car was broken into, and I was visited by a very friendly and helpful LA County policewoman.

Background: In the game, you power up your character by collecting or buying cassette tapes, which you can then assemble into a custom "Mixtape" containing all your active special moves and abilities.

If you hover the cursor over each tape, a short loop of the "real song" plays. I wrote something like 20 fully-produced miniature songs imitating various 80s styles, from Paula Abdul (Spin Kick) to Marvin Gaye (Healing Touch) to Raffi (Training Wheels).

So, as I find the time, I'm going through each of them and expanding them into full-length songs. This is the first one to get that treatment, and I felt like MeFi would appreciate this one in particular, to add to ourcollection of songs about punching people in the dick.

Lyrics:

I dislike law enforcement with a vengeance
They just bullies with the worst of intentions
Just the thought gets me and my friends so mad
Gonna find a cop and kick 'im in the gonads
I got nothin to say to no detective
No crotch protection is effective
I got a heavy dose of manual invective
Breakin cop nuts is my objective

WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna roll up and punch you in the nuts till you're cryin')
WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna massacre your testicles and I ain't lyin')

I daresay police is the enemy
Won't get the best of me, ain't no befriendin' me
Penitentiary, is where they sendin' me
Got a tendency of frequently offendin' me
My whole crew just up and got raided
Boys in blue got me agitated
Deputy got a fist donated
Now I'm in-car-ce-ra-ted

WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna bust you in the balls till you're beggin for mercy!)
WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(This gonna hurt you a whole lot more than it hurts me)

Never met a cop wasn't just a punk
Left hook, mash him right up in the junk
Wailin' on it like a heavyweight champ
Both his groin and my style got a cramp
10 to life for my rhyme execution
I see a problem with a simple solution
Never met a cop I didn't disapprove of
Ain't something that we can be solvin' thru love

WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna roll up and punch you in the nuts till you're cryin')
WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna massacre your testicles and I ain't lyin')

Every time I lay my eyes on a constable
Just make me wanna act irresponsible
To be amicable, is near impossible
Coexistence is highly implausible
Gonna exercise civil disobedience
A knuckle sandwich, premium ingredients
Next time I see a patrol car
Gonna hit the pickle even if I break the jar

WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna bust you in the balls till you're beggin for mercy!)
WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(This gonna hurt you a whole lot more than it hurts me)
WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna roll up and punch you in the nuts till you're cryin')
WEAPONS UP!
PUT YOUR WEAPONS UP!
(I'm gonna massacre your testicles and I ain't lyin')

• play
• pause
• min volume
• max volume

posted by jake (3 comments total)

A masterful addition to the canon.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:35 PM on April 7, 2015

Wow uh looks like this was unintentionally topical... I had no idea about the SC shooting until today, only posted this because I'm in the middle of a deep depression, and I cope by sharing silliness with strangers. Bad timing though, huh. My heart is with anyone actually affected by real-life police violence, on either side of the badge. <3
posted by jake at 12:27 AM on April 9, 2015

This song belongs to the long MeFiMu tradition of songs about ball-busting, exemplified by mediocre's "Punch 'Em in the Dick."
posted by infinitewindow at 11:44 AM on April 23, 2015