Elfrita The Landlord

May 18, 2007 1:05 PM

Elfrita used to be my landlord. She would place giant spiders outside my door so they could crawl into my apartment. It was horrifying.

posted by ageispolis (6 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

- A flute cut from "Sure Shot" by the Beastie Boys.
- Sampled drums from "Phœnix" by Daft Punk.
- An organ sample from "Intervention" by Arcade Fire.
- Some strings courtesy of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
- A quick reversed vocal sample from Mitch Hedberg.
- Another Beastie Boys flute sample from "Flute Loop".
posted by ageispolis at 1:22 PM on May 18, 2007

Elfrita maintained a very intrusive landlord/tenant relationship. Everyday she would bang on the door insistently until someone answered. Ignoring her seemed to have no effect. She actually took my girlfriend and I out for hot chocolate once and was kind enough to provide us with big pieces of sausage and other things we didn't really want. She'd even give us rides to campus... even though we didn't want them. I'd honestly be walking to school, minding my own business, and suddenly I'd hear tires screeching and a crazy old woman flying down the road in pursuit of me. I remember her crashing into the curb with her car, probably knocking off the alignment, and demanding I get inside for a ride. You couldn't say no to this woman.

During an ongoing snowstorm in December she had me shovel her entire driveway in the middle of the night. It was still snowing outside and it wasn't letting up anytime soon. The job took me like two hours and by the next morning the driveway was covered with a fresh foot of snow again. I never did get compensated for that work... Nevertheless, she would invite us upstairs for meatloaf dinners. She would throw on Vivaldi and sing loudly while pouring us cheap German wine. Elfrita's father had fought for the Nazi's in WWII. She seemed to be ashamed of that particular part of her past. I imagine she was a member of The Hitler Youth, although I'm not certain this is true.

One icy day in December Elfrita slipped and landed on her head while shoveling. Neighbors were always saying she was much too old to be doing that sort of work (she was well into her seventies). Yet Elfrita was completely self-reliant. Her age never stopped her from doing what she wanted to do.

I don't know what to think of Elfrita. She was very kind, but very critical and rude. Very giving, but very demanding. She only gave me a fraction of my damage deposit back, but I believe for Elfrita's standards, that was perfectly acceptable.
posted by ageispolis at 1:47 PM on May 18, 2007

Oh, and she didn't die from the fall or anything. Elfrita was treated for a concussion and had herself discharged in no time. She was bedridden for a while and emitted the most foul odor I have ever experienced.
posted by ageispolis at 2:40 PM on May 18, 2007

Hahahaha!!! Awesome.
posted by threetoed at 3:57 PM on May 18, 2007

Good grief!
posted by gomichild at 9:28 PM on May 18, 2007

So fantastic to read about Elfrita while listening to this track.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:04 AM on October 23, 2010

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