August 31, 2008 7:21 PM

Came up with this song yesterday, and I sort of like it. A departure.

Criticism requested and welcomed! Thanks.

Why'd you wait till I stopped breathing?
Couldn't hear you say a word
Water vapor boils and freezes
Condensation fills you up

Is this all just endless dreaming?
Will we all just wake up soon
Is this all just endless thinking
Which we all just love to do

posted by tmcw (4 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Very pretty. I like how the melody just stays perpetually unresolved; it kind of feeds into the overall dreamy feel of the recording.

The initial transition from the first part to the second, right after the first stanza? It feels a little tentative, like, "hey, hmm, I guess, I guess this is the next part?" or such. Not necessarily bad, and possibly how you wanted it to feel, but I found myself expecting it to cut over more confidently when I first listened to it.
posted by cortex at 11:04 AM on September 2, 2008

This is pretty interesting, lyrically and musically. I like the melody and the singing style, though overly pitchy in places (I like the pitchiness to a point). I thought the guitar playing was pretty great, it felt really... natural and unlabored. It could be EQ'd a bit, I think.
posted by edlundart at 9:34 PM on September 3, 2008

Not sure why you threw the physics lesson in there, but it gives the lyric a nice jolt, if that's what you're after. Another verse and another day away from fruition - you're on to something.
posted by AppleSeed at 6:20 PM on September 5, 2008

I rather like the tentativeness of it; it works well with the song's lyrics and the occasionally halting delivery on the part of the arrangement and the singing. This song quickly establishes a mood, but it's a mood of enormous ambivalence, and that's really hard to represent musically. I think you succeeded here.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:09 AM on September 6, 2008

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