From the River to the Sea

A rough mix of a song in progress. Constructive criticism sought!

I just bought a new acoustic and the C-Am riff was literally the first thing I played on it. Ooh, I thought, that sounds like a song, so I just kept playing and this pretty much dropped out fully formed, both the music and the conceit.

Here's what I know is wrong:
This is a scratch vocal due to me having a heavy cold.
The drum part needs some work where it fights with the vocal.
The ending is too schmaltzy for me, lyrically, and I want to change it to something more bittersweet.
It's a rough mix so the balance is about OK but I'm not riding the faders and it's not EQd, drums especially.
I want some backing vocals in the bridge (the 'did you ever think of me' part).

Things I'm wondering:
Is the doodling Hammond organ distracting?
Should the big guitar riff return before each verse, or is it better to keep it for the solo?
I could really use some little drum fills to play you back in after the 'to the sea' stops, but I can't think of any as I'm not a drummer.

What else am I missing? Mostly arrangement, melody and lyrical notes, if you have any.

Cheers!

• play
• pause
• min volume
• max volume

posted by unSane (4 comments total)

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA
words/music © J Brownlow

Oh, babe, did the rain come tumbling down?
Oh, babe, did the rain fall to the ground?
From the earth to the river
From the river to the sea
From the ocean to the clouds
From the clouds right back to me

Oh, babe, it’s been such a long, long time
Oh, babe, since we met in the summertime
Do you remember how it felt
When we let our young hearts melt
And walked along the river
To the ocean, to the sea

But I recall that fall
We just let it slip away
Let it drain, like the rain
Had washed our love away
To the river, to the ocean, to the sea

Oh, babe, did your tears come tumbling down?
Oh, babe, did they fall right to the ground?
From the earth to the river
From the river to the sea
From the ocean to the clouds
From the clouds right back to me

Do you recall, at all
Why we let it slip away?
Let it drain, like the rain
Had washed our love away
To the river, to the ocean, to the sea

Did you ever think of me
Think you saw me in the street
Then turn around and find you were mistaken?
Did you wake up from a dream
Of how things might have been
And lie there as the light of dawn was breaking?

Oh, babe, if your love comes tumbling down
Oh, babe, let it fall right to the ground
From the ground to the river
From the river to the sea
From the sea to the sky
From the sky to the rain
From the rain to the earrth
From the earth to the trees
From the trees to the air
From the air right back to me

And if you do
I’ll be waiting here for you
By the river, by the ocean, by the sea
posted by unSane at 5:59 PM on June 30, 2010

- Yes plz moar guitar. At the beginning I was thinking how it fills out the sound just right, then it's MIA until 3:15. Maybe decorating a verse or refrain.
- The bridge seems like a long way to go for backing vocals. The second refrain could use some backing vocal love I think.
- I like bridges. I like your bridge too.
- Okay, here goes: I think the "from the X to the Y, from the Y to the Z" parts sound a little sing-song. I don't know what would shake that off.
-- ... and when it is extended near the end I get a record skip feeling that is not what you are going for I bet. Lyrically, too, it sort of confuses me, since the rain/love comes all the way back around to him (yay), but misses, goes into some trees, and comes back again as air (hrm). The little voice in my head suggests keeping the last verse just voice and acoustic guitar, short, with some lyrics adjustment, and ending the song like that.
--- (Though I like the notes you hit on 'and if you do'.)

Apply "fleacircus don't know shit" filter where appropriate.
posted by fleacircus at 10:36 PM on June 30, 2010

Thanks. I thought about shortening that last verse. Should probably do that.

Maybe I should rewrite the third verse to change the 'from X to Y' format so that it only returns in the final verse. I actually wanted to go straight from the first refrain to the bridge but that seemed too weird.

The big guitar can come back up in the instrumental phrase before each verse.
posted by unSane at 5:37 AM on July 1, 2010

(One possible arrangement is to drop the first verse, leaving the 'from X to Y' conceit to the second verse. This would shorten the piece but I think the opening conceit really sells the song. The third verse is the most redundant, so I'm inclined to work on that, maybe twisting the conceit a bit).
posted by unSane at 5:47 AM on July 1, 2010