Bury Your Tracks
April 10, 2008 6:56 PM
A more ambitious song I've been working on for a while. Would really, really love any feedback.
I think past the 1:50 mark I feel pretty confident, but before it feels a little shaky to me, especially the first thirty or so seconds.
Green traveling hat knit around my head.
One of these days gonna hitchhike my ways up out of this bed.
Burn incense before you go.
Bury your tracks in the snow.
Only love could be so many differently;
Only you could do so many hues of Blue.
(My days are shaken,
My days are shaking.)
Ding dong,
a silly song sure do say that
something's wrong. (Credit to Bonnie 'Prince' Billy)
Soft, silly music is meaningful,
magical. (Credit to Jeff Mangum)
I think past the 1:50 mark I feel pretty confident, but before it feels a little shaky to me, especially the first thirty or so seconds.
Green traveling hat knit around my head.
One of these days gonna hitchhike my ways up out of this bed.
Burn incense before you go.
Bury your tracks in the snow.
Only love could be so many differently;
Only you could do so many hues of Blue.
(My days are shaken,
My days are shaking.)
Ding dong,
a silly song sure do say that
something's wrong. (Credit to Bonnie 'Prince' Billy)
Soft, silly music is meaningful,
magical. (Credit to Jeff Mangum)
posted by Corduroy (8 comments total)
I like it a lot! And find myself wanting your voice to be harmonized by a female one from "Burn incense before you go." :)
posted by Ira.metafilter at 6:57 AM on April 11, 2008
posted by Ira.metafilter at 6:57 AM on April 11, 2008
No, I think the first 30 seconds are great. The rhythm stutters in the first second, but it's not bad. I miss the bassier guitar after the beginning as well. I'm also going to agree with Karlos and say maybe bring the piano in a bit sooner, but it doesn't ruin the song to have it at the end. If it were me, I'd also lower the guitar and hand claps a bit. But that's only if it were me and only because you asked for advice. I think it's great as is as well.
You know what I'd really love to hear you do is more in the way of layered vocal harmonies and lines. This song kind of cries out for them, either as a gospel-y chorus or just some simple "doo doo doo" sort of things behind what's already here. If I were to point you to something for an idea, it would be my default, which is The Beach Boys or The Everly Brothers or even The Louvin Brothers (or Destiny's Child or their 90s precursors, the awesome En Vogue). Heh, sorry for that long list, but that's what I think is lacking the most from this song.
Great song, Corduroy.
posted by sleepy pete at 2:07 PM on April 11, 2008
You know what I'd really love to hear you do is more in the way of layered vocal harmonies and lines. This song kind of cries out for them, either as a gospel-y chorus or just some simple "doo doo doo" sort of things behind what's already here. If I were to point you to something for an idea, it would be my default, which is The Beach Boys or The Everly Brothers or even The Louvin Brothers (or Destiny's Child or their 90s precursors, the awesome En Vogue). Heh, sorry for that long list, but that's what I think is lacking the most from this song.
Great song, Corduroy.
posted by sleepy pete at 2:07 PM on April 11, 2008
This is quite nice - and I'd definitely leave the bassline in there. And totally agreed about the harmonies - it would help take your stuff to the next level.
posted by ORthey at 5:26 PM on April 11, 2008
posted by ORthey at 5:26 PM on April 11, 2008
It would be really great to take the whistling you're doing with the vocal line at the end, and alternate it with the vocal lines at the beginning. So you'd go "Green traveling hat knit around my head"... "whistle melody" ... "One of these days gonna hitchhike my ways up out of this bed.""... "whistle melody", etc., through the first two verses.
I love the idea of some harmonies on this, I'd start adding them in slowly after the handclaps come in, then build them up as the song progresses. You don't really have a chorus in this one, but that's OK if you build it up to a big climax.
I also agree this needs a bassline-- preferably on a bass, not a guitar. The low end would tie everything together nicely, and give you a chance to add some varitions to the guitar as Karlos suggests.
posted by InfidelZombie at 1:55 PM on April 12, 2008
I love the idea of some harmonies on this, I'd start adding them in slowly after the handclaps come in, then build them up as the song progresses. You don't really have a chorus in this one, but that's OK if you build it up to a big climax.
I also agree this needs a bassline-- preferably on a bass, not a guitar. The low end would tie everything together nicely, and give you a chance to add some varitions to the guitar as Karlos suggests.
posted by InfidelZombie at 1:55 PM on April 12, 2008
Wow, that's a lot of good ideas for me to choose from. Thanks a lot, everyone! I will definitely be using them as I edit the song a little.
posted by Corduroy at 9:11 AM on April 17, 2008
posted by Corduroy at 9:11 AM on April 17, 2008
No suggestions, just wanted to let you know I like it.
Reminds me of a psuedo-band I knew in Northfield, MN... guitar is identical.
Nice work.
posted by killThisKid at 10:42 AM on April 30, 2008
Reminds me of a psuedo-band I knew in Northfield, MN... guitar is identical.
Nice work.
posted by killThisKid at 10:42 AM on April 30, 2008
It's very thoughtful. Reminds me of something they'd use for a movie like Garden State.
posted by Liosliath at 10:11 PM on June 19, 2008
posted by Liosliath at 10:11 PM on June 19, 2008
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The handclaps are sloppy and awesome.
The guitar -- have you thought about pulling it out at some point? Maybe around 2:10 or 2:50 or maybe switching to arpeggios there and then coming back -- I dunno, the guitar is really the dominant element and it's so always-there.
And if it was me, I'd get to the clapping and piano quicker, but I'm pretty impatient about stuff like that.
I like that you are wearing your hat in bed!
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 2:31 AM on April 11, 2008