July 27, 2009 12:55 AM

A spoken word song written about a girl, friendship, hurt, love, betrayal, growing older, gaining understanding and eventually forgiveness. And perhaps above all else, it's about hope.

Before we begin, yes, this song uses the music played by The White Hat in his masterful 'Imogen Heap "Hide and Seek" Arrangement for the Guitar' and yes, I have obtained his permission to use the song for this recording.

I also want to say that this is an intensely personal song. I rarely open myself up on the web like this so please be kind.

The Inspiration

Listening to The White Hat's song on my iPod on the bus on the way to work one day, the lyrics of the opening verse just came to me. I instantly scrawled them down on a piece of paper I had in my bag. I worked out the rest of the lyrics later.

What's It About, Then?

The song is about a girl I once knew named, canyabelieveit, Megan.

She was pretty much my best friend and I loved her, in a very platonic way. She was sort of like the sister I never had and we shared everything including, for my part, my thoughts about the very complicated relationship I was having with a woman who I was head over heels in lust with. I ended up introducing this girl to Megan and they ended up becoming friends with one another.

This girl I was seeing... as I said, our relationship was complicated and not at all easy. We had a lot of problems. Megan would often be my go-to-person to talk these things through.

And then one day my relationship ended, as it was always bound to. And I spoke to Megan about it a couple of times in the week following the break up. And one day I rang her again and was told almost instantly that she didn't want me to ring her or talk to her ever again. Shocked, I said OK and just hung up.

We haven't seen or spoken to one another since.

I learned a few things in the years to come, from people who had seen or heard from her and who knew us both. One of the first things I learned was that Megan and my ex had stayed on being friends after the break up. This infuriated me. It was an act of betrayal I couldn't begin to fathom and I always said to myself if I had seen Megan again I wouldn't have said anything to her, because I hated her so much for choosing my ex over me.

Sometime after this I also later learned that Megan had harbored a long-held crush on me. I'd never even considered that this could be possible. She was like a sister to me after all. I still hated her for what she did but I began to see how it had happened; if it was true that she had feelings for me, listening to me talk about my girlfriend, who was also her friend, wouldn't have been easy for her.

It's been a very long time since these events and I have grown older and wiser and I now forgive her for what she did. I also realise I'm not faultless for what happened, a delusion my younger self labored under for sometime. And so I hope she forgives me too.

That's what this song is about. It's about friendship, hurt, love, betrayal and growing older, gaining understanding and eventually forgiveness. And hope. A hope that she hears this song and knows what I think and what I thought. And that maybe one day we can be friends again.

The 'Recording Process'

I tried to record myself saying the lyrics several times with several different methods, and then tried to mix the lyrics with the music with several programs. All attempts to get the levels right failed. Eventually I gave up.

Then one day I bought an Apple iPhone 3GS. I found that its 'Voice Memo' app recorded my voice pretty clearly. Then on a lark I simply played The White Hat's music on my PC while I spoke the words. After several attempts, I managed to get things to a point where I'm happy with them. It could probably be better, but I think this is as good as I'm gonna get with my experience and the tools available to me.

The initial plan was to sing these words but I started to realise that maybe I'm not as good a singer as I thought I am. So spoken word seems a happy medium.

The Lyrics

We were the best of best friends
A boy and girl, we never knew it would end
We didn't ever think it could

We shared each others greatest fears
All our hopes and dreams
I made you laugh and you said you loved how I did
Well, so did I

Then one day I called your home
And you said just leave me alone
And I complied, hung up the phone
How I wish things had been different

The woman I longed for and the girl I adored
Lost both in the space of a week or more
You went and closed the open door
You chose her over me

It seemed like the ultimate act of betrayal
Was told you saw me as more than a mere male... probably
But you were like a sister and I was just too blind to see
But I want you to know I think it'd have been great if we had tried

It took me some time to forgive what you did
And my life has moved on and I'm very happy now
But I wish I could share it with you as my friend again
And I wish that I could tell you

That I forgive you
And I hope... that you forgive me

I forgive you
And I hope you forgive me

Forgive me.

posted by Effigy2000 (1 comment total)

Well, I think it's really moving. The technical stuff doesn't really matter, because it's not about that. In fact, it's kind of appropriate that you recorded your vocal on a phone; it's sort of like a phonecall to no one.
Without going into it, I can also relate to the situation.
posted by chococat at 10:00 PM on July 29, 2009

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