Workman 9 to 5

August 5, 2020 11:17 AM

A little bit of a song about Charleston Shoe Thieves player Workman Gloom, their dog and teammate (and Shoe Thieves pitcher) Beasley Gloom, and the life that is stealing shoes and playing blaseball.


tumble outta bed and stumble to the closet
sleepwalk stole some shoes to deposit
pick some kicks and start to shuck and jive

pour out a bowl of kibble for Beasley
lace their uniform up real easily
take the field and hope that they survive

workman 9 to 5
blaseball like you've never seen it
hits a nice line drive
runs the bases, eats a peanut
when the sun won't shine
Gloom will be the light to lead us
It's enough if we can
rip off some ADIDAS

workman 9 to 5
the commiss'ners doin' a great job
Charleston will contrive
to pull off a massive shoe rob...

posted by cortex (4 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

The commish is doing great, and so are you.
posted by kaibutsu at 5:26 PM on August 7, 2020

Noting for the record that early in season 4, in the middle of game 28 or so, Workman Gloom was suddenly swapped to the Canada Moist Talkers by a Feedback Event and replaced by Joe Voorhees. We'll miss you, Workman. Your dog Beasley most of all. Come back when you can, and bring shoes.
posted by cortex at 4:20 PM on August 25, 2020

Workman Gloom, having been made Unstable by the wild-pitch contagion of recent subject of necromancy Jaylen Hotdogfingers, was incinerated in season 7, game 81. Rest in violence, Workman.
posted by cortex at 6:59 PM on September 17, 2020

Seems to me that you are one song away from completing a workman gloom trilogy, if we count 'don't bean my man' as party of the story.
posted by kaibutsu at 8:09 AM on September 18, 2020

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