Live. Laugh. Leach.

April 28, 2021 10:41 AM

Blaseball is on siesta, so I took the opportunity to write this tribute to the Kansas City Breath Mints' favorite pitcher: a dirtbag lich who loves to vape, drink Four Loko and throw walks.

This song also features the most atrocious sounding guitar solo I was able to produce because I thought Leach would think it was funny.


Who knew a lich
Could rock a vape and throw a pitch
But not so good that I don't bet against the Breath Mints
When I hear she's in a game
And it makes me rich

They call her Leach
And winning games exceeds her reach
Her favorite things are doing vape tricks on the mound
Chugging Four Lokos and long walks not on the beach

She does this throw
I must admit it's quite a show
She blows a smoke ring and then puts the ball right through it
Has it ever hit the strike zone?

How many innings since that lich walked in a run?
And how much longer till she walks another one?

It's a shame
Her head is just not in the game
Because she pitched it as a joke
And it got fouled into the stands behind first base
Yeah, what's her name????

Leach Ingram
Leach Ingram
Leach Ingram

Well, Leach Ingram got infused
And now the Breath Mints are amused
To see their favorite dirtbag pitching like an ace

With no outs she'll load the bases just for fun
Then not allow a single run
Just to rub it in their face

Yeah you should see her ERA
And how she'll force a double play
By walking batters straight into the Mints' defenses

It's a new improved Leach Ingram
So grab your bats and swing 'em
But just realize it won't be for the fences

Against Leach Ingram
Leach Ingram
Leach "5 Loko" Ingram

posted by valrus (2 comments total)

I don't think I've ever heard a vibraphone (or glockenspiel?) chugging a single pitch like that. It's great! I'm also into the guitar solo, horrible intentions or no. It's got a little touch of Sonny Sharrock in it.

In general, I'm into all the motion in the song!
posted by ignignokt at 6:03 AM on April 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

I’m with ignignokt, atrocious is in the ear of the beholder—that sounded like a perfectly compelling sharrock with a touch of ribot out solo to me!

I dig the lowkey raymond scott’s powerhouse vibes vibes on this.
posted by umbú at 6:35 AM on July 9, 2022

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